| worthless |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
Why do i bother with anything, what do you do when you cant do anything. How are you supposed to feel when you realize you have already failed at life, how do you go on? You dont if you can help it but sometimes a primal survival instinct prevails , its the reason a mouse still runs away after being bit by a venomous snake. Its a great concept in nature the weak perish the strong survive and the world is the better for it, but what about people where we have no selective pressure where no matter how much you fail theres still a overwhelmingly depressing way to get by. Human evolution can thank me though since i wont be contributing my defective genes to the population. |
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| weekend posting |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|01:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawthorne Heights - Ohio is for lovers | ] |
Its late saturday or sunday technically and im just sitting bored at my computer listening to music and staring at chat bleh. I had an interesting friday night bought cheap vodka some cheaper cigs, i polished off some shots of vodka headed to the bars for $1 beer and oddly enough met some people from my high school we talked and they said we should hang out again so i might call them up sunday. i went out to eat which was nice but after that i just came back to my dorm i really need some friends nearby i get way too lonely and bored. |
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| Another day, another waste |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|12:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dashboard Confessional -Several ways to die trying | ] |
I just back from physics class which is possibly the most complex class ive ever been in, everything said and shown in lecture seems like gibberish to me i see passing it as next to impossible, i really need a tutor to even hope for a C. My other classes are okay nothing too difficult just tedious school work nothing new, its just difficult do anything when you have hardly any reason to wake up in the morning. Ive realized how little i really matter to anyone and how worthless my life is i doubt anyone would miss me if i was gone, no one notices me when im around and especially when im not around. Hmm i should get drunk tonight alcohol is a true friend. I was browsing around on myspace and found a poem that i related to which i will post.
Pablo Neruda - Saddest Poem
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2004|10:35 am] |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY
SARA!
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| im back |
[Jan. 20th, 2004|11:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | A.F.I - the leaving song pt.2 | ] |
Hmm havnt wrote in awhile so i thought i would. I had a very lovely talk on the phone with Sara last night :). She is so fun to talk with im glad she called. On to today i went to my first class and the teacher brought a live lobster to class and gave us 3-d glasses to see some 3-d pictures of insects it had it was pretty cool. Time to go to my other classes though which arnt quite as fun although i will see my one friend i met last semester so its all good. Thats it for now buh bye. |
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| so tired |
[Jan. 18th, 2004|05:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Incubus - Pardon Me (Acoustic) | ] |
I just got back from work it was so busy, I worked my A double s off. before that my mom showed up and woke me up to go look at apartments and get some food and other stuff for me. It sucks I had no time to get online and talk to Sara :( .Well hopefully I will get to tomorrow so off i go. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2004|06:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
Hmm about time to go to work :\ although i suppose it should be okay since my friend i hung out with last night will be working with me. It still sucks i wont get back till pretty late though. Well write later i suppose. |
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| looks like its going to be a long day |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|10:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dismemberment Plan - time bomb | ] |
Just got back from class but i still have a few more to go plus some impossible homework due friday. I hate walking in the cold to classes i just wanna stay in my apartment and lay aroungd all warm and toasty. Unfortunatly that isnt an option so in a bit i will be forced back out into the cold to do what needs to be done, at least one good thing will happen today im getting a call from Sara.:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2004|02:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indifferent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Modest Mouse - Dramamine | ] |
Lets see not much going on today last night i had a fun chat with Sara and her friends, im hoping the camping thing we were talking about might happen. But back to today nothing really worth mentioning except something sorta funny in my anthropology lecture. The professor was talking about kissing and how it is seen as disgusting by some cultures, they see it similar to greeting someone by sticking your finger up your nose and than in theirs lol.
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| writing again already |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|11:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | music |
| | linkin park - somewhere i belong | ] |
well i was looking at sara's website and saw she added my picture under her friends section i feel really special now. yay! |
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| first post |
[Jan. 13th, 2004|10:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Modest Mouse - Baby Blue Sedan | ] |
Hmm i just got back from class it was interesting i still have 2 more to go though than i just wanna relax and maybe take a nap. Im feeling hungry but im not sure what i want to eat so ill go try to find something that looks somewhat edible in my fridge. Ill probably write more later. |
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rob_starwind's journal
